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Dec 04

Extraordinary Moments

What makes something extraordinary?  What makes something meaningful?  Or beautiful?  Or important?  And what needs to happen for us to see the ordinary, the meaningless, the ugly, painful or unimportant circumstances as extraordinary moments in recovery?  Maybe a little time and just the right amount of light…

I’ve had some time over the last few days to look back on the events 2012 with some time and fresh lighting.  It’s been interesting for a variety of reasons.  For one thing I’ve been stuck in bed for a week and that is rare and humbling.  In every area of my life – home, work, volunteer stuff, family stuff, holiday stuff, etc – somebody has to pick up my slack.  Not so easy for a usually very able bodied recovering co-dependent.  Of course there have been opportunities to practice my program.  Physical recovery can be enlightening like that.  Let go… Be grateful… Be humble… Be patient…  All good stuff but the best stuff has been in the unlimited amount of time for reflection.

It has been an extraordinary year.  I mean completely out of the ordinary – busy, crazy and kind of sad with a fairly consistent undertone of crisis.  There have been many, many opportunities to practice patience and perseverance.  Far too many situations that required letting go.  Lots of endings and disappointments that demanded closure and even more that don’t need to be listed for you to get my point.  Does any of that sound familiar?  If it does I’m hoping that you’ve had a chance (or get the chance WITHOUT having to go under the knife!) to sit back and review your experiences in a different light.

Here’s what I mean:

Most of the year I “managed the unmanageable” to the best of my ability by putting out fires, working the Steps, working with others and working out.  It was actually pretty effective.  I thought I had made it through relatively unscathed but as it turns out prolonged stress (no matter how well managed) will show up in the body one way or another.  I believe that.  It’s a fact that excessive stress releases too much cortisol and there are plenty of physical maladies that can follow.  Even when we’re doing the work, taking the proper steps, breathing, meditating, accepting and believing that we’re okay sometimes it isn’t quite enough and we can’t help but wonder what we missed.

This week I found what I’d been missing.  Looking back I see so many miracles that had gone unappreciated this year.  Some of them were big and powerful but many more were small enough to go virtually unnoticed.  In moments of grief, even in death, comfort came from the most unlikely sources.  Fears and disappointments, even some nightmares played out but nearly all were followed by opportunities for true healing, with lessons and intimate, life changing discussions that would have never taken place in any other circumstance.  Painful lies and abuses were brought into the light but the truth that followed was almost sacred.  Every crisis has eventually passed in one way or another leaving a new level of respect and appreciation for the ordinary day in its wake.

I realize that just making it through isn’t enough, whether the day is wonderful, tragic or boring the miracles must be recognized and celebrated if we hope to find peace.  We don’t always get to choose what happens next.  It’s a dynamic world and it won’t always go as planned but God is always there with at least some small gifts to console us if we choose to receive them and let them grow.  It is the wonder, the acknowledgement of beauty and the deep heartfelt gratitude in every single experience that brings enlightenment…. I know I’m not quite there yet but it sure is nice to get a little glimpse of it every now and then.

Sending love and prayers for appreciating the extraordinary moments of recovery no matter what the day might bring.  Namaste

~Jane

 

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